When Your Parents Comment On Your Weight and Hair Loss

I’ve noticed many parents telling their children (sometimes in front of others) how much weight they’ve gained, or how much hair they’ve lost.

It’s never a positive thing. There’s usually a tone of shame, or perhaps even disappointment.

Although it’s not a practice that I will ever replicate as a father, it recently became clear to me where this comes from.

When I look at my kids, my first thought is usually that they’re incredibly gorgeous human beings. My oldest has these gorgeous long eyelashes and a smile that takes up his entire face.

And my youngest is going through that cute pudgy phase, the kind that makes you want to eat his cheeks like marshmallows.

I sometimes wonder, if I’m walking on the street, why everyone isn’t coming up to me to compliment my children and how they look.

How, I wonder, do they not see how beautiful and wonderful my kids are?

And the answer of course is simple bias. I am their father; they are part of my DNA.

For whatever reason, something about that makes me appreciate them (both externally and internally) more than other people do.

But fast forward 20 years, and my kids will be adults. Their body shape, their hair loss, their signs of aging… will be largely genetic.

What I’ll be looking at in 20 years is a reflection of me, when I was aging.

I’ll be looking at the fading of youth. My youth, their youth, all of these complex emotions, all contained within a simple glance at their receding hairlines.

And perhaps, for many parents, this can be depressing to see. Perhaps it’s a stark reminder of their own mortality, or perhaps a reminder of how old they are.

And so it comes out of their mouths before they even have time to process these complex emotions.

“My, you’ve gained weight!”

“Wow, your hair sure is thinning!”

I used to wonder why parents would choose to insult their kids so readily.

I now realize it’s a way to avoid confronting their own mortality.

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